Tip of the Week, April 28, 2008

Repair, repair, repair … any damage to your relationship while having a disagreement. Winning the argument is much less important than maintaining the friendship. Look for ways to let your partner know that you love him or her, even if you disagree with them. Find ways to use humor, loving comments and positivity while having an argument or disagreeing.

Tip of the Week, April 21, 2008

I didn't marry you because you were perfect. I didn't even marry you because I loved you. I married you because you gave me a promise. That promise made up for your faults, and the promise I gave you made up for mine. Two imperfect people got married and it was the promise that made the marriage. And when our children were growing up, it wasn't a house that protected them; and it wasn't our love that protected them - it was that promise.
Thornton Wilder, The Skin of Our Teeth

Tip of the Week, April 14, 2008

In one study of couples going through divorce, growing apart and distant was given as the main reason for the divorce in 80% of the cases. A high level of conflict was given as the reason in 40% of the cases. When couples distance … and often lose interest in discussing or disagreeing, there is a greater likelihood of divorce.

Tip of the Week, April 7, 2008

Make sure to notice and comment on the positive things that your partner does, especially the things that you have asked him or her to do. We are all more likely to repeat the things that we are told are good than to stop doing the things that we are scolded or criticized about.

Older Couples Report Stronger Love

A recent study by The Longevity Center at Stanford University reported that couples who stay together report a deepening love as they develop better ability to solve problems, resolve conflict and keep the flame of attachment and interest alive. While younger couples decide that they do not want to “settle”, older couples report that they do make that decision and grow happier with each other as time progresses.

The ongoing study of 156 couples showed that love and marriages get better as couples stay together and weather difficult times and normal life changes. As people age, they are able to calm themselves more quickly, use positive thinking and emotions more readily, let go of small hurts or disappointments more easily and regulate their emotions better.

This does not mean that couples do not need to be active in finding ways to connect with each other, especially as they move through life transitions, however, as we “mellow with age” it is much easier to have less investment in “winning” and more investment in pleasure and appreciation.